Experiences, Family, Gratitude, Health and fitness, Intentions, Introspection, Life, Memories

Hiya!

Anybody missed me? Please fake a yes, will you? I missed being here immensely. 

I have a lot to share. A lot to write. A lot to be recorded in this journal of mine. And I intend to do that in due course. 

May reflections – May, as I had alluded to in April, was anything but normal. I didn’t even attempt to eat healthy or exercise. Some phases in life are like that, it just consumes you and that’s ok.  I just wish come June, I had atleast made an attempt to get into the mindset of eating healthy and working out. But mindset hardly changes like the the flip of a switch. The mind needs time – to resist, to turnaround, and then finally embrace the intentions. Atleast, that’s how mine works. So I am sitting tight, entertained by the drama within.  

Work update – The person who hired me was let go in work related reorganization. While  I expected to feel incredibly sad, I was surprised by the sense of loss I felt. She was passionate, detail-oriented, pushed back and had a way with pushing people out of comfort zone. She was a mentor to me, one who has shaped my work ethics through her working style. I miss her a lot and wish that she had left with the recognition that she deserved. The project that we are working on is not the same without her touch.

Family visit – My parents will be staying for sometime, while my sister-in-law and family will leave soon. A few weeks back we had even more house guests. It feels like the house renovation has served it’s purpose, allowing us to have our near and dear ones under one roof. The kids are soaking it up and we are grateful that everyone left their lives behind to spend time with us.

Dance – I have missed classes and I am missing this summer’s production. Once I pick up my routine, I resolve to make more time for dance and make up for it.

Sunday school – We had our last day of Sunday school last week. I will miss my fourth graders, much fun was had learning and growing.  This year’s cherry on cake was being able to volunteer in Hari’s class. Loved getting to know Hari in a classroom setting. Loved seeing the first set of kids I taught all grown up. Loved working with other teachers and getting to know them. I also did multiple dance workshops, it felt special to bring one part of my life to another part of my life and seeing the dots connect. Greatful for the opportunity. 

More to come! Hope all of you are keeping well in your neck of the woods.

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Family, Gratitude, Introspection, Kids, Life, Little Moments, Me

Four decades and counting

I can’t stop yawning. I should go to bed. I feel deep exhaustion. I have not done my weekly chores and I have an early morning meeting. But I know if I don’t write this post tonight, it is unlikely that it will ever see the light of the day.

I turned 40 this Saturday. I don’t feel a day older or wiser. I feel so many other things though. I feel like I am living the best part of my life  with so many commitments competing for my time, energy and attention. I feel lucky that I get to pursue all the things that my heart desires. I feel deeply grateful to have been born and raised in, married into, and living in a nurturing and supportive environment.  The more years you add to your life, the more you see that life is not a level playing field and there are so many different battles that are being fought. The air of entitlement that you once had slowly gets replaced with an attitude of gratitude. You learn to err on the side of kindness and compassion.

I also feel a pang for the years and the milestones that have gone by. I wince as I catch strands of grey hair that are now coated with color from the henna that is fading away. What lies ahead is not as exciting as what has passed by. I remind myself that nothing is more natural than aging, so why fight it? The 50 year old me will likely laugh at me as I read this post ten years from now. It’s all relative.  I am also reminded that time is precious, and that I should not take my time with people around me for granted. More than ever, I am convinced that the most meaningful impact I can have in my life is raising my boys.

Recording some special moments for my diaries.

  • Ram getting excited about my b’day and spreading the word around to any and everyone that crossed his path. The earring holder and the key chain that he made with his tiny fingers.
  • Hari and Da with their version of cards.
  • Da going above and beyond to make the day more relaxed for me. Not to mention the idol of Ganesha on an easy chair reading a book (so cute!).
  • Earrings made by one the kids that I am fond of at dance class
  • My childhood friend coming home with yummy bisibele bath just because I like it.
  • Food, and more food..!
  • My friend’s son made a jigsaw puzzle for me and framed it. Love that kid and it meant much!
  • My twin having a great day..!
  • Phone calls and wishes from appa, amma, family and friends
  • A beautiful darshan at the Lakshmi temple.

Signing off for now! Have a good week.

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Family, Gratitude, Life, Work life balance

Snow Day

We went to bed knowing that we will get a call at 5:00 am. Without intending to, I kept waking up every once in a while to check if it’s that time yet? What’s the scoop about the 5:00 am call you ask? It’s that time when the school going families in our town receive an automated call from the school superintendent informing us whether the school is going to start late or if it’s going to be a snow day. And today is a snow day. The call informed us that there are fallen trees and power failures on account of the Nor’easter.

I peep outside and don’t see any damages in the front yard. As always at first glance the snow looks magical. What is not to love about pure white? At closer look, the snow is wet and heavy, so I am bracing myself for an hour of shoveling at least. I don’t mind that because there is something humbling and gratifying about seeing the fruits of hard physical labor that we often don’t get to practice in the age of convenience and outsourcing. Snow day also means all extra activities get canceled and we are all huddled under the same roof doing our thing. The kids are happy to get the downtime, and know to keep themselves entertained without hindering my productivity. No changes at work but I am grateful that the snow day is not a source of stress because of the flexibility to pace my work. All that matters is I get my work done. It’s not as simple for so many people that I know.

This is the home stretch for this winter. We are in the first week of March, we are inching closer to Spring. I hold on to that thought as tight as I can.

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Introspection, Learnings, Life, Me, Uncategorized

February reflections and epiphanies

  • When I was in high school, I knew I was a procrastinator. “Thanks to my habit of procrastinating, it has taken me this long to reply….” or something to that effect is how I recall writing letters to my friends. And then life happened and I neither wrote letters nor used the word procrastination as much.  It hit me as I typed the recycling bin post last month that an absence of the said word in my life does not imply the absence of the said trait in my personality. Meaning, I continue to be a procrastinator that I once was. A very useful insight because procrastination with inertia make it difficult to pick up momentum once I lose it.
  • Case in point, I wanted to write the Feb. reflection post on the last day of Feb. I forgot, then I procrastinated, and the post is still swirling in my head. If I don’t write it now, I know it will just remain locked in my head. So here I am tackling procrastination head on.
  • How did Feb. go? Let’s just say, I need a slap on my wrist, a kick on my butt, and a knock on my head. Da returned from India with goodies and I would have been fine had I indulged in just the said goodies. But the break lingered and had a ripple effect. I realized that the time when you know you are slipping is the time you need to double your efforts and bring the habit back on track. Once you don’t act in that phase it becomes too overwhelming with all the self admonition. Also, I realized when I slow down, it does not result in improvement in quality of my life  or an increase in leisure time. It just leads to plain inefficiency. On a positive note, I read quite a bit and that made me so very happy. I don’t feel like a sham when I say I enjoy reading because I know what it is when reading becomes compulsive and takes your life over. Of course, there is the practical difficulty of how to balance it with chores, work and other things, which is why reading has taken a back seat in the first place. As they say, you can have it all, just not at the same time.   I did a solo performance at the temple for Shivarathri. I have performed the dance several times in a group so it was good to compare and make corrections. I learnt that I have to constantly talk myself into relaxing because I get stiff unintentionally due to the focus. Also, it was another exercise in accepting that I may not be excellent in absolute terms but there is immense pleasure in becoming better.
  • What tone do I want to set for March? There is so much important but not urgent stuff to do that I am not doing under the guise of slowing down. Also, one of the important things about building habits is doing the same thing at the same time in the same order. It may not work for everyone but it is something that resonates with me and has worked for me in the past. I need to nail that routine for me. Part of it also would be to come up with tactical actions that would connect to the year of “Us”.

Alright folks, have a good weekend. Thanks for lending me your ear, and I happy to return the favor if you want to let me know how your Feb. went.

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Detox, Experiences, Experiments, Family, Food, Gratitude, Inspiration, Intentions, Introspection, Kids, Life, Me, Us

Word of the Year

How did I do? Is it worth continuing with the word of the year? Is it a meaningful exercise?

I did ok with Mindfulness  although I forgot  it was THE word a few times. Setting intentions in the beginning of the year did unintentionally influence my everyday actions. I am able to sense tension, tightness and panic when things don’t go my way. I don’t become zen or calm about the situation right away. But I have learnt that the place to start is relaxing my jaws and facial muscles. Paying attention to that tactical action, settles me a bit even when there is restlessness raging within. I talk myself into getting some alone time and engage in some productive work so I am not being disruptive to the ones around me. It works a few times even if not always. I have also learnt to drift back to sleeping when I wake up in the morning. This is worth a mention because it is part of my effort to not to be a slave to my To Do or routine.

Mindfulness like Discipline and Detox (my Word for the prior years) is a lifelong practice. So this year was just the beginning. I did not move mountains or boil the ocean but I have made incremental progress as a person. So I see value in pursuing this practice.

For this year, I am choosing the word “Us”.  Hari has five to six years with us before he takes full responsibility for himself. There are so many interesting things to do with him. There are so many things that he needs guidance on. I want to be fully present for him in this critical phase of growing up. Ram is still young and he needs me differently. I want to do all the things that I enjoy doing with him – reading, cooking, playing, coloring and what not. And with Da, I will be a little nicer, kinder and compassionate instead of using him as my punching bag. As rudimentary all these aspects sound to you or may come naturally to many of the moms that I know of, they are hard for me. I tend to oversee these finer aspects as there are so many things I want to dip my tips in. 

While the “Us” does not preclude my parents, siblings and families, I am doing pretty ok on that front, which is why I am narrowing the focus to the immediate concentric circle around me. 

This does not mean I will abandon pursuits outside home. Far from it, I want to do my bit, so they are not going away. But I will be deliberate about what I take on and make sure that I balance between what gives me intrinsic and extrinsic joys. I missed out on reading, writing, cooking experiments, and connecting with friends this year and I hope to pick up the slackness there.  I will strive to be more consistent with eating clean and healthy and working out.

These are the intentions I am setting for the year. What are yours?

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Gratitude, Life

Hanuman Chalisa

Every month, a few of us meet at a friends’ house to sing Hanuman Chalisa. We do this in honor of a departed soul. It’s a healing ritual for the family hosting and for those of us that gather.

I am eternally grateful to…

  • Vilasini aunty for taking the time and effort to rally a bunch of elementary children to teach Hanuman Chalisa. I remember it like yesterday. All of us would assemble in the common hallway to learn from her. Aunty has given us a gift of a lifetime.
  • Appa and amma for steadfastly playing Hanuman Chalisa on Thursdays and Saturdays. Without that repetitive listening, the gift would have evaporated into thin air.
  • M.S. Subbulakshmi for being the voice of Hanuman Chalisa. For her Bhakti.
  • My faith for giving us something to hold on to at the darkest of times.
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Experiences, Experiments, Gratitude, Life, Little Moments, Ram Leela, Uncategorized

Tenderness and Meditation

For the first two to three hours of the work day today, I was consumed by fire drills. Thankfully, things turned around as the day progressed. I am deeply grateful that days such as today are an exception rather than the norm in my work world.

Ram and I spent quality time this evening. We recited some slokams together, played scrabble and ended the day with meditation. The guided meditation asked us to think of someone we love and send happy thoughts to that person. As soon as we closed on the meditation, the child eagerly said, “I kept you as my friend amma. I sent heart shaped wishes to you.”  Such unconditional love only a child can radiate! So grateful for this willing child who will grab every single opportunity to soak in and bond with me. I am thankful for a quiet low profile evening. Deeply grateful to Sangi for pointing to this very useful link – https://annakaharris.com/mindfulness-for-children/ on a fellow blogger’s post a while back.  Ram loves the meditation audio and looks forward to this part of our bedtime routine. I do too!  I also use it every weekend in my Sunday school. It feels like the right way to start and I can’t wait to see where the journey takes us as a class.

On that note, tudlu, see you tomorrow!

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